Your satisfaction with life is only as large as the goals you put in front of yourself. It’s okay to be a bit crazy. Push yourself. Dare to do the things that scare you, because every insane step makes the next one look easier. You have the capacity to do more than work and die.
Be the person everyone is talking about. Be the person that you’re jealous of today.
Show of hands, who has locked themselves in the bathroom to have a minute where no one can see your face?
I know I certainly do it. It’s a chance to let out some tension, take a deep breath, reset yourself, and flip your hair back into something fabulous (or whatever is passing for fabulous on the given day).
Usually, I do this on purpose. Today, however, I was more than a little bemused when I caught myself whispering “it’s okay, you got this,” on what I’d thought was a cut-and-dry bathroom break.
Really, J? You need to do this today? Are youjust so conditioned to stress that this is Pavlovian now? Are you going to be telling the bathroom walls you’re okay for the rest of your life?
Well… Yes, probably. About halfway through berating myself, I realized I had been stressed, even if I hadn’t noticed it. And as for a Pavlovian response – telling myself it would be okay had worked. I’d acknowledged the scary task bothering me (hello, leading a training for an out-of-state office) and was ready to move on to actually tackling the task at hand. How cool is that?
I apologized to my subconscious. After all, it’s nice to know she’s got my back even when I don’t know I need it.
I’ve been hearing a lot of grumbling today. Early alarms. Dark commute. Why do we have Daylight Savings Time, anyhow?
I didn’t want to get up, either, especially since our thermostat didn’t get set forward and the bedroom was FREEZING this morning. But I’ve been working on increasing the positivity in my life, and this seems like a good place to apply that idea. So yes, today I drug myself out of bed in the cold and dark. But…
I got to watch the sun turn gorgeous colors on my commute instead of staring into the sun.
Apparently everyone else was struggling too, because traffic was a lot lighter this morning. No showdowns!
The sun will be up long enough tonight that I can go for a run around my new neighborhood.
We’ve had sun two days in a row, so the sky eventually did get brighter.
And the high today is 40! (not exactly related, but still very, very exciting! Maybe spring is coming after all.)
We bought a house today. Signed the documents, pocketed the keys. I have my very own garage door opener for the first time ever.
And it was, at least the parts we did today, mind-bogglingly EASY, which feels at complete odds with the magnitude of the overall event. I mean, someone out there looked at me and decided I was adult enough to have a house. I still have a hard time not lumping myself with “the kids” in any given conversation.
In any case, we’re homeowners, and in my sentimental ponderings today I thought back to the day we got our very first apartment – and realized I didn’t feel ready for that, either. In fact, I may have felt less sure of myself that day with a single-year lease and a heck of a lot less money and responsibility on the line.
Maybe I’m looking at this house wrong. It’s not the grand final decision in my life any more than that first apartment was. It’s just the next step – in life, but also out of my comfort zone.
So I’m super excited for the house (and may have paint colors pulled up as we speak… blue-grey or egg-shell??) but I’m also excited to see where this house takes me.
I broke out the exercise ball at work. To clarify, I moved back to our main office from my previous location onsite and finally got around to re-inflating it to use as my chair. I’d been pretty hesitant – the guys onsite didn’t give me a hard time about it, but some people in my office are quick to tease. Did I want to open that can of worms?
In the end, I decided my continued health and happiness was worth a bit of teasing, if it came to that. And so far, no one has said a thing. This morning, though, I heard the sound of a bouncing object pass my cubicle and went to investigate. Someone else in the office is now, as my mother phrases it, “on the ball.” Maybe not everyone thinks I’m crazy, after all.
Don’t be afraid to be the odd one out. You never know who else might join you once you take that first step.
I bought a necklace on a whim the other day, and while I normally rotate the necklaces I wear, I keep reaching for this one. Somehow, the simple act of putting the word “fearless” around my neck makes me less likely to hold myself back. And I love the fact that simply reminding myself bravery matters to me makes me stand straighter and tell myself, “you can do this.”
The days when I feel like I absolutely can’t do anything right, or I’ve gotten nothing done, are still days that would have broken me three years ago. Simply by getting through the day, I have outdone my past self. And some days that will have to be enough.